Currently My Husband is in Ohio visiting his family for 2 more weeks, he's already been gone for 1 week. I guess u could say I'm taking it ok. When we first got married i had a wall, no more like a steel cage up around my heart to try and protect myself from being a mess whenever he got orders to Iraq, cause knowing my luck he would get orders. Well thats were i went wrong. That "cage" is what helped drive us apart or more like it's what made us grow apart. I just couldn't let myself be that vulnerable knowing that he would most likely be torn away from me and thrown into a dangerous place where he may not return from. Once again cause thats just my luck.
Well after we had been apart for a while and I stopped making myself hate him( it was easier for me that way) it all started coming to light and i started realizing the many ways i messed up.
So this time i took down the cage and let myself love him completely. May sound kinda wierd but thats my way of seeing it.
Before i didn't let myself be seen as a vunerable wife who needs her husband. With my background i was stuck on not needing a man... for anything. Not to mention that i thought being married was no different than being boyfriend and girlfriend. Man was i wrong... AGAIN!
But enough of the past now i am head over heels in love with my husband. I love being around him i love staring at him i love the way that he can't look at me wiithout smiling if he's upset with me. I've even come to love the smell of jet fuel since it the way he smells when he gets home from work!
I miss him dearly. And i'm only 1/3 of the way through. I miss him stealing the blankets from me at night . Just knowing he's right there if i need him. When I crawled into bed at night he would wake up and pull me close and start snoring again almost right away. God this sucks.
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